Our shadow, Stirling: Managing separation anxiety.

Before Stirling arrived (December 2025), we were prepared for a dog who would hide away and slowly come out to get to know us. Instead, the opposite happened. He immediately became my shadow; following me everywhere, even into the bathroom, and trying to rest his head on my lap while I was on the loo!

I knew I had to put a stop to that gently, so I started by shutting him out of the bathroom and just talking to him through the door. Over time he began to follow a little less, but he always wanted to be close. Our initial, very human reaction was how cute this was, he loved us as much as we loved him.

Looking back, that was the first sign of what was coming. We thought we’d cracked it before going back to work and believed he'd be ok with our arrangements.

We built him up to being left for a few hours and managed our work schedules for about four weeks where one of us was always around, but eventually the time came when he would have to start the planned routine.

He’d met his dog walker, loved him, and had a successful trial session. Everything still looked good. On dog walker days he’d only have a couple of hours alone in the morning, then several hours out on a pack walk, then a couple more hours until my partner got home. The plan was he would come to work with me one day a week, go out with the dog walker twice per week, and spend another day with my mum (and their BU).

We honestly thought we had a good plan that would keep him well socialised and life interesting. Then extreme separation anxiety hit after about 8 weeks....

The clues were there in the early days, but we thought we’d cracked it. Suddenly he couldn’t be left for even a few minutes. Panic would set in, he’d scratch at the door, howl, and pace. Watching him on the camera was heart

breaking.

We still needed to work, so we moved to Plan B:

• once a week at work with me

• twice a week with the dog walker, but picked up from my parents so he was never alone

• once a week all day with my mum

We bought a calming collar and plug-ins at this point, I’ve no idea if they truly helped or whether it was the other things we did (or a combination) but we were willing to try anything that might make him feel safer. 

Then Stirling started refusing to go with the dog walker. This was a very experienced, genuinely lovely man, and I’m confident it was nothing to do with him and everything to do with how Stirling was feeling.

So we moved to Plan C (which is where we are today).

Work agreed I could bring Stirling in twice per week instead of once, and he now spends the other two full days with my mum. We haven’t changed this routine yet, but I hope that one day we can get him socialising in a pack again on those amazing country walks. He really does love other dogs and likes to play. 

Today, we can leave him for up to three hours.

I’m sure we made plenty of mistakes along the way, but here’s our advice:

1. Leave the house for 10 seconds and come back with no fuss. Stirling would be waiting at the door of course, but treat it like nothing special.

2. Break the object association cycle. We worked hard to make all the things Stirling associated with us going out feel boring and neutral (putting shoes on, grabbing keys, putting on a coat, picking up a bag). I’ve sat on the sofa in my coat more times than I can count, and done the washing up with my bag on my shoulder.

3. Use boredom toys with caution. We used things like Kong to keep Stirling occupied, but had to stop using them when we went out for short periods, because he started to associate them with being left. Now they’re random; we give them whether we are going out or not.

4. Invest time to build confidence. We would sit in the car watching the camera and come back as soon as we saw any sign Stirling was becoming unsettled. We made no fuss when we returned. Our time away was deliberately varied: if we knew he could manage 10 minutes, we’d mix it up to 5 minutes, then 2, then 7, then 10. I am pretty sure he has no clue what's happening next at any point now but that's good, he's happy, enjoying each moment of life!

Where we are now

 He is still an absolute fuss pot. We do still have to encourage independent time but if we stop fussing him, he trots off and settles. It has been a journey, and his timeline may be longer or shorter than others but it is 100% worth it.

We now have the most loving, obedient, gentle boy who brings far more joy than he ever did stress.

My only advice is prepare for the unexpected. Think carefully about backup plans, and don’t get complacent in those early days. 

This is not meant to put anyone off having a rescue, Stirling is so rewarding and we could not ever imagine life without him. I am hoping that it shows that with time and patience, even big problems (and inconvenient ones too!) can be overcome